An Open Letter To Starbucks with a Language Advisory

Dear Starbucks,

Please quit making shit up. When I come up to the counter and order a café au lait, please do not give me a blank look and act as though you’ve never heard of this beverage. After I explain this beverage to you, please do not proceed to correct me in a snotty tone by telling me that this beverage is actually called a Misto. Oohhh, you meant a Misto. No, no I did not mean a fucking Misto, I meant an au lait, which is what the drink is called every where else in the world except the 400sqft inside your so-called café and maybe some parts of Italy. Furthermore, you make your baristas seem even more foolish by feigning ignorance of a well known coffee drink just to further your brand power…baristas who already don’t even pull their own espresso shots. (Oh, sorry guys, that was a cheap shot. No pun intended.) After I had finally made peace with your existence, Starbucks, you have set our personal relationship back about six years. I hope the recession is not finished having its way with you.

Best,
Alpha Cook


A Café Au Lait what’s that? Like you don’t know. Oh and don't forget Foamy, who has similar feelings about this situation.